Grieving is a deeply personal and unique experience, shaped by the intensity of the bond shared with the person, animal, or experience lost. Everyone goes through grief in their own way and at their own pace.
Understanding the grieving process, allowing yourself to feel the full range of emotions that come with it, and finding ways to honour the memory of what was lost can help in the journey toward healing.
One of the first steps in coping with grief is to accept that it isn’t a linear process. There’s no ‘right way’ to grieve, and everyone’s journey looks different. The common stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — aren’t necessarily experienced in that exact order, nor is it a given that everyone will experience every stage.
Grief can come in waves, sometimes suddenly and unpredictably, and certain days, people, or events may bring up emotions unexpectedly. Being kind and patient with yourself as you go through these phases is essential. It’s okay to feel okay one day and deeply sad the next – all of these responses are valid and part of the process.
Going deep into feeling
An essential part of dealing with grief is allowing yourself to feel pain without judgement. It’s common to try to avoid or suppress the feelings associated with loss because they’re uncomfortable or painful, but avoiding these feelings can actually prolong the grieving process.
Giving yourself permission to mourn and feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief, if the loss came after a prolonged period of suffering, can be incredibly freeing. Emotional release helps the healing process, as suppressing emotions can lead to greater psychological strain down the line.
Finding safe spaces to express these feelings, such as talking to friends or family members, journaling, or even speaking to someone professionally, can help in processing them.
Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can be very comforting. Grief is often isolating, but talking to people who have experienced a similar loss can make you feel less alone. Support groups, whether in-person or online, offer a sense of community, as everyone present understands the journey of grief.
Some people also find comfort in speaking with a mental health professional who’s trained in helping people process grief. A good therapist can teach coping mechanisms and help you work through complex emotions without judgment.
Memories and healing
Creating a way to honour the memory of what or who you’ve lost can be another meaningful step in the healing process. Memorialising a loved one through a personal ritual, creating an art piece, making a memory album, planting a tree, or volunteering for a cause the lost person cared about can be very healing.
Actions like these allow you to process your loss while also celebrating the positive impact that person, pet, or experience had on your life. They also help you feel that their memory is still with you, in a way that brings comfort rather than just pain.
Over time, your relationship with grief may change, becoming less intense and more manageable. There’s no timeline for healing, and it’s natural to feel waves of sadness even years after a loss. Remember that the intensity of your grief is a reflection of the love you had, and it’s okay to carry that with you in a way that feels comforting and supportive.
When dealing with grief, self-compassion, patience, and support from others can make a profound difference.
By acknowledging your pain, allowing yourself to process it, and finding ways to honour what’s lost, you may begin to find peace and carry forward the love you once shared in a way that enriches, rather than burdens, your life.
