Our relationships play a huge part in our overall wellbeing and life satisfaction, and yet they are inherently complex and multifaceted. Our intimate relationships are a source of great joy and also sometimes pain.
Modern day intimate relationships are perhaps more complex than ever. There is the financial pressure of rising living costs. And there are the personal issues that stem from difficulties in communicating and in managing stress. Then there is often the perceived lack of emotional availability from one’s partner.
Because we expect a lot from modern day relationships, we want stability and freedom in relationship, a sense of comfort and also adventure. We want closeness but also autonomy.
Sometimes relationships get crushed under the pressures, particularly if people don’t receive the support they need.
Unhappy, why?
I came across an interesting quote by renowned therapist Terry Reel who says:
‘Women are unhappy in their marriages because they want men to be more connected than most men know how to be. And men are unhappy in their marriages because their women seem so unhappy with them.’
To me this speaks to the fact that women often want more presence and more connection from their partners, but tend to point blame and resentment onto their partners instead of looking at how they can co-create ways to relate differently, inviting presence in loving ways.
Without relational skills, resentment builds, passion fades and disconnection grows.
Relational skills can be learned. Counselling can help individuals and couples understand their relational patterns and learn and practice relational skills to repair and deepen connection. The emotional work of counselling offers an opportunity for growth and healing.
Divorce or…
In Australia, divorce rates for couples in their mid-late 40s have been increasing, and half of all divorces involve parents of children under 18 years. (Australian Institute of Family Studies, AIFS, 2025).
It’s not that all divorces can be prevented. Certainly there are many modern day families who are navigating separations, co-parenting and blended families. These more complex relationships also require good relational skills.
In fact, there is no getting away from the fact that our relationships offer important opportunities for us to grow and develop life and relational skills.
Are you ready for deep listening?
Barbra Joffe
(Barbra is a counsellor working with individuals and couples in the Byron Bay area and online. Find out more here).
