Imagine a world where gravity is well understood, but we remain oblivious to our own internal sensory system of balance, the vestibular system.
As infants learning to walk, we’d rely entirely on external supports like walking frames, handrails, and padded floors. Parents would encourage their toddlers to practise with stabilising gear, believing that balance requires effort and training! Schools would implement extensive ‘walking safety’ programs, and adults might even carry portable support devices to prevent falls.
In reality, none of this would be necessary, because our human bodies are naturally equipped with a system that allows us to navigate the world on two legs, effortlessly.
This hypothetical scenario mirrors how we approach our emotional well-being. We have an internal system, our limbic system, that’s designed for emotional balance and resilience, yet we remain largely unaware of its natural function.
As a result, society has developed countless supports and techniques to manage emotions, believing we must ‘work’ at feeling good, when in truth, emotional equilibrium is our default state.
The illusion of emotional fragility
From a young age, we’re innocently taught that emotions need to be controlled, managed, or fixed. We’re given coping strategies, self-help techniques, and structured therapies designed to keep us from being overwhelmed by our feelings.
While these approaches can sometimes be useful, they often reinforce the belief that we’re inherently emotionally fragile; that without external tools, we’re at risk of spiralling into distress.
This belief fuels entire industries! The mental health field, self-help market, and, most notably, big pharmaceutical companies thrive on the assumption that emotional well-being requires intervention.
Billions (upon billions) of dollars are spent each year on medications designed to regulate mood, reduce anxiety and alleviate depression. While these drugs can sometimes provide short-term relief, they often come with side effects and the implicit message that we are broken; that our emotions/bodies must be chemically altered for us to feel okay.
In addition to structured supports, many of us also turn to unhelpful coping mechanisms such as drinking, drugs, gambling, shopping, overeating, or other distractions. Once again, these methods may offer temporary relief, but they often create new problems, reinforcing the mistaken belief that we need something outside of ourselves to feel okay.
Just as a child learning to walk might appear wobbly at first, our emotions can fluctuate as we experience life’s ups and downs. However, just as the vestibular system naturally stabilises our body, our emotional system has an inherent capacity for self-correction. When left to its own devices, the mind naturally returns to a state of balance: think of the mud at the bottom of a pond settling after being disturbed.
The problem with over-reliance on external supports
When we believe that emotional well-being depends on external factors, whether through specific rituals, self-improvement strategies, medication, or even reliance on certain people for validation (the list is long!), we overlook our innate ability to navigate emotions.
This dependence can create a cycle where we constantly seek solutions, rather than trusting that balance is already built into our system.
Similarly, when we naively rely on unhealthy habits like excessive alcohol consumption, compulsive shopping, or comfort eating, we’re attempting to fix something that isn’t actually broken.
These behaviours, just like pharmaceuticals, become unnecessary once we understand that emotional balance is something we naturally return to on our own.
In the same way that a person accustomed to using a walking frame might hesitate to take independent steps, we can become hesitant to trust our natural emotional resilience. The more we rely on external crutches, the less we recognise that we’re already equipped with everything we need to regain emotional stability!
Recognising our natural state
When we begin to see that emotional well-being isn’t something we have to chase but rather something we return to naturally, our relationship with emotions shifts. Just as the body doesn’t need conscious effort to maintain balance when walking, the mind doesn’t need excessive intervention to restore emotional equilibrium. In fact, it can accidentally get in the way.
Understanding this doesn’t mean we never feel sadness, anger, or anxiety. It simply means we recognise that these states are temporary, part of the natural ebb and flow of life. Like weather patterns moving through the sky, emotions come and go, but the sky itself (you!) remains unchanged.
With this understanding, the need for pharmaceutical intervention, self-medicating, or other external supports diminishes.
We no longer have to reach for distractions or chemical solutions to escape uncomfortable feelings because we know they’ll pass on their own.
A new way forward
Imagine if children were taught this from the very beginning? If parents and teachers helped them see that emotions are natural and self-correcting, we would raise future generations who no longer feared their feelings or saw them as problems to fix.
Instead of growing up believing they need constant external support, or even worse, that there’s something wrong with them, they would navigate life with confidence, resilience, and ease.
With this understanding in place, much of what we currently rely on, medications, coping mechanisms, and emotional crutches, would become largely unnecessary, allowing us to live with a greater sense of peace and freedom.
When we stop overcompensating for a system that isn’t broken, we’re freed from our emotional training wheels and can stride through life with the same quiet confidence that keeps us from second-guessing every step we take.
Sandy Loyall (a qualified counsellor)
